Hope

Hope was a constant theme of our pregnancy with William. We always had hope. Even before we knew anything was wrong, we hoped for a normal pregnancy. Then at the first indication that something may be wrong, we hoped the doctors were mistaken. When we knew the doctors were probably right, we hoped he'd become better after birth.

We hoped our hearts out the day he was born.

Even hours later when William's doctor said, "It's come to that time..." - even when we knew he was dying we held onto it.

Hope did not vanish all at once. It lingered. I remember Tommy handing me our little guy and placing him on my chest. He wiggled and squirmed right into me. A nurse later told me that he looked content, like he was back where he felt most comfortable. Kate told me that he opened his eyes a bit :)

Were we in shock? Maybe. But we were still hoping that by some miracle of unwavering, parental love - a power only we could give him - he'd pull through.

It was in between that special time we had holding him that we loosened our grip on hope and let the grace of God shine down on us. It's hard to explain everything we felt. Loss for words, drained of energy, we sort of felt like everything was over; his struggle, our pregnancy, the waiting, the worry. But not everything was over - we know now that his life wasn't truly over, he lives on.

We poured all our love over him. He gave it right back. We believe this exchange of love is intertwined within every molecule of our body. We've never felt more connected with any other person. We are a trio.

Now, we hold onto a new hope. It's too scary to think we could lose another baby. So instead we will continue hoping for a healthy baby.

We'd like to share a little poem with you today and a photo of his perfect little foot.

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops - at all

                                      Emily Dickinson

William's little foot, the most perfect foot we've ever seen

Love to all,

Liz and Tom