Grace

      I should be an expert on Grace.    Perhaps not professionally but I am married to an expert on the theology of Grace.  So much of our family's conversations revolve around Grace.  It's my daughter's middle name and my husband's dissertation topic.   Bernard Lonergan, my husbands favorite theologian, describes the experience of Grace as an other-wordly love, a deep set joy, and a radical peace that the world cannot give.  Although I have endured many conversations on this topic, I never truly understood what it was until 12/13/14.
       Nothing can prepare you for the death of a child.  Nothing can prepare you to watch your sister, whom you love more than anything, lose a child.  I have seen more children pass away than most people....but nothing could prepare me for losing my nephew William.
      I remember all the medicine that surrounded that day.  I know William's Apgar scores were 6 and 8.  I know what his blood gas was and every line that they put in him.....but the thing I remember most was my sister's face when she saw him.  I have seen many moms lose babies, some go hysterical in grief, some get mad, and some become speechless.  However, I have never seen one like my sister.  My sister and my brother in law took my breath away.  They savored every moment they had with their son.  They didn't let anger or the "unfairness" take over.
      Grace happened that day....it was present in the delivery room, the NICU, and the postpartum room where he took his last breath.  When I reflect back upon that day it truly was the hardest day of my life.  Ironically, after my own children's birth and my wedding it was also one of the best days of my life.  I had the privilege of being there for William's entire life.  I was there when he took his first breath and his last.  I watched my sister become a mom, then hours later lose her child.  I don't know how Matt teaches what he does.  He teaches something I couldn't fully understand until I experienced it.  Grace is something that takes over you.  So thank you my sweet William.  Auntie is forever changed by you, for you have taught me the most powerful and beautiful thing of all.