Letter to William

(William’s Special Day Part 10)

We ended the memorial service with a letter to our sweet angel.

Dear William,

On December 13, 2014 we met you - and it was the best day of our lives. You’re our everything. You filled us with more love we ever thought was possible. We are forever blessed to have gotten to hold you. We kissed your fuzzy blond head and we amazed by your beauty. We could have cuddled you forever. That is something that we struggle with, not being able to cuddle you. And all of those earthly hopes and dreams we had for us, well, they won’t unfold the way we imagined. But they will still unfold, just in a different,  special way. Your heavenly presence - which we feel all the time - will be with us as we live our lives.

We waited a long time for you, William.  When we found out you were a boy, mommy cried in the hallway of the hospital and we immediately knew what to call you.  We already had a name picked out.

We named you, William Patrick after your Daddy and your uncles. Along our journey together, we gave you nicknames like little peanut, baby bear, and our little star. We read to you and sang to you and our hearts grew larger every day because of you. We traveled with you and swam in the ocean and dreamed of our lives together.

Your kicks were so strong, William.  Your first kick was felt the first week of the football season while watching the patriots on TV.  We were so excited that you were already a fan and couldn't wait to take you to games.  You have more patriots onesies than any other kind.  We wish we could send them to heaven for you.

We saw your strength early on - from the first time we heard your heartbeat at just 6 weeks old. Your heart beat was perfect, our favorite sound. As the weeks went on we noticed that your heart kept beating strong but something was causing it to work harder than it needed - your heart was perfect, little one. But something - something we still don’t understand, something that we couldn’t have prevented, was taking place beyond our control. We know you tried your very best that’s why we call you our little warrior. William, we tried our best too, to solve the mystery. We are still trying. You’ve inspired many people, including your doctors who were amazed by your fight- and will not stop until we find some answers.

William, you have shaped us.  We love you so much.  You are our whole world.  We believe you are with God now and your great grandparents.  We believe you are happy.  But we miss you terribly and look for signs that you are around.  Thank you for all the signs you’ve already sent.

There has not been one single second of time when we wished we could forget what happened. All we want is to go back and relive it. You made us a family and you made us a mommy and a daddy. We are so proud of you little one.

As we count the days, the moments in life that we wish you were here, we also know that we are that much closer to meeting you again, our sweet angel.  We promise to lead our lives with peace and love, protecting each other, and living through your inspiration.  When we do go to heaven, the first thing we'll do is run to you.  For now we’ll hold you in our hearts, and find you in our dreams until we meet again in heaven.  

You are the first thing we think about when waking up.  And this, William, is an incredible gift because that means that every day starts in a wonderful way.  We start our day with you, our little piece of heaven.

Whenever we see sunbeams shining through the clouds we think of you. Whenever we see the stars we think of you. Our little star, we miss you so much. You made us so happy and we are so glad we had months of time to bond with you in my belly and were able to meet you. I wish I could give you a million kisses to tide you over until we meet again. For now, I’ll give Daddy kisses on his forehead for you. I first kissed you on your forehead. It was the best kiss of my life.

We love you, William, our beautiful baby boy.