1 month in heaven

I would have been 36 weeks today. My due date was February 9th, 2015. Yesterday marked William’s 1st month in heaven.

We think of him every day. But some days more than others. There will be lots of days like that this year: our due date, the holidays, mother’s day, father’s day... There is also a day in October, the national infant loss day. I've come to learn about this day as I browse baby loss websites on the internet. I’d like to share what I've found with you.

Infant Loss

There are many (millions in fact) of little ones that die each year in the US alone. From losses early in pregnancy to later term loss to infant loss, it doesn't matter which you have suffered through, because all life, no matter how tiny, is important and special to someone.

• Early pregnancy loss or miscarriage is when a baby dies before it could survive on its own. Shockingly 1 in 4 pregnancies result in a miscarriage.
• Late term loss sometimes referred to as a stillbirth, is when a baby dies in the womb after a certain point of gestation, usually after 20 weeks gestation. There are ~26,000 stillbirths in the US per year.
• Neonatal loss is when a baby dies within the first days of life, like our William. There are ~19,000 neonatal losses per year.

We spent 5 days in the hospital after William was born. He was delivered via c-section to give him the best chance possible, plus he was breech with his cute little bum down. In those 5 days we felt so many emotions, one of which was loneliness. But not because we were alone, because we were new parents of a baby who died the day he was born, and we felt like we were the only ones.

Then a woman visited our room. She wanted to help us fill out some of William’s forms. She gave her condolences and surprisingly said “I know exactly how you feel”. Really? Then she told us that she lost her twin baby girls just a few months ago. She was 8 months pregnant at the time. I remember thinking how strong she was to go back to work, in a hospital where she may have lost her girls, to tell us about her loss.

Since then we have received sympathy letters from a family/friends who have also shared the death of their babies late in pregnancy. We were so thankful for those brave women and families who have reached out.

We've learned that there are many people out there who know exactly how we feel. And there is a powerful comfort that comes with sharing during times of grief. Even though we feel awful hearing about other's losses, it brings us comfort knowing we are not alone.

The gifts that William has given us are adding up. Love and compassion to those who have lost babies is just one of them.

Happy 1 month in heaven baby bear, we know you have lots of baby friends up there,

XOXO

Mommy and Daddy