Our own epiphany

Today’s the last day of Christmas, the Epiphany. For some reason I don’t want to take down the tree. Sometimes I want the winter to be over because that means maybe some of my heartbreak may be lifted. But today I don’t want the season to end. I want to savor this time when we are still so close to our baby’s birthday and “heaven” day.

I remember that morning, our doctor coming in and sitting down on a stool and saying "we're going to delivery you today." I remember how I felt when she left the room. Tom and I stared at each other and smiled. We were giddy and excited and nervous. "We are going to meet our little baby boy today" and we did. And he took our breath away. Our own epiphany. Something so incredibly amazing that we were changed forever.

Maybe we will leave the tree up for another week. The lights and stars remind us of our little William. Underneath the tree are some presents for William, stuffed bears, books, and blankets from family and friends. They make us smile even when our eyes are swollen from tears. We want to keep them and we just know William would want us to save them for his little brother or sister one day.

We may be navigating through the intricacies of grief for a long time, but it makes it easier to receive the gifts that have come our way. Thank-you for the comments, the cards, the fruit baskets, the flowers, the food, the dinners, the hugs, the pats on the back, the listening, and the love.

Sometimes we think "how will we ever get through this?" and then day by day we do. Your comments help.

XO, Liz and Tom