Last February, William's big cousin, Noah participated in a fundraising activity to raise money for kid's with heart disease. You can check out the original post here.
We are very proud to announce that Noah was highlighted in the newspaper for raising the most money out of all the boys in school. WOW!
Noah would like to thank everyone who donated in honor of baby William and children everywhere who have struggled with heart conditions.
Looking back, I’m not sure how we kept it together that day. We were definitely still in that period of “is this really happening to us?” Mostly, we were on autopilot.
We promised ourselves that if we couldn't get up and speak, that would be ok.
But we did, somehow.
This prayer was shared by a grieving parent and friend who lost her beautiful baby girl, Stephanie almost twenty years ago. The prayer helped validate our own feelings and allowed us to grieve out loud.
We’d like to share it with you.
A GRIEVING PARENT’S PRAYER
Written by: Bernadette Zambri
Read by: William’s parents, Liz and Tom
“GOD HAS NOT LEFT US.
we feel it difficult to pray - we need insight in new ways to pray.
we feel abandoned - we need your warmth.
we feel isolated - we need courage to take steps closer to you.
we feel hurt - we need your healing.
we feel so sad - we need your closeness and humor.
we feel anger, resentment and bitterness - we need your peace.
we feel afraid - we need your strength.
we feel anxious - we need your patience.
we feel we have lost trust in you - we need to feel your love.
(William’s Special Day Part 7) William was born during a joyous and magical time and it’s nice to think that the Christmas spirit was out there somewhere. Even though we felt immobilized in time, the world kept turning and it was mid-december. It was a devastating time, yes. But it was still the best time because it was a time that he was with us.
This song, A Hallelujah Christmas by Cloverton, brings us back to that time. William knows it well - his big cousin Madeleine sang it all season long. And she sang it beautifully during the ceremony with her father, William’s uncle Matt on piano. The lyrics are amazing. Enjoy.
William's ceremony was positively beautiful. It was an uplifting and incredibly moving experience - everything we wished it would be. A day to honor him in a way that was fit for a little baby with a big heart. Poems and stories were shared that provided a way to connect spiritually with our little guy. One of those stories is below, it's called The Brown Star Story by Kim Steffgen.
This beautiful story could only be told by the most special of people - those who would have read him stories and taught him how to read one day if he was alive: William's big cousin, Noah and his grandmother, Terry. We think our William loved hearing it from heaven :)
THE BROWN STAR STORY
Not long ago, astronauts found in the heavens gaseous celestial bodies – clouds of cosmic dust – which they think have finally answered the mystery of what exists between the small things in the universe, like planets, and the bigger things, like the sun. They call the cosmic dust “brown dwarfs” or “prestars,” because although brown stars have all the same elements to become a star, for some reason they never did.
All stars go on to live full lives, from their hot, bright white dwarf stage to their aged, cooler and dimmer, red giant stage. But, “brown stars” only go so far. Instead of being born to live like a normal star’s life, they remain cool and young, hiding in the heavens, sprinkled in clusters among the other stars, one hundred fifty light years from earth.
But like baby William, their roles in this universe are very important. In fact, scientists believe they serve as a link between the small things and the big things, holding the universe together; a midpoint between the beginning and ending of our universal story.
As we grieve for William who died before reaching the stardom of his earthly life, perhaps we can find comfort in the possibility that he was designated for this very special universal role. Energized by our love, William is a guardian of our memories of what was and our dreams of what someday may be.
As we look to the heavens, seeking answers,
let us send messages of love to our “brown star” baby.
So Mother’s Day was hard. And I find myself getting choked up in the days after. It wasn’t just the anticipation of Mother’s day - the advertisements of happy moms with children right besides them. William is right besides me too, just in a different way. It’s just really raw still, more so than I want to admit. And not knowing what the future holds, and losing that sweet, comfortable, innocent life we used to have. I understand everyone goes through trials in their live. I’m just jealous that most people don’t have to go through our trial.
But then again, we’d choose him every time.
I really wanted to celebrate mother’s day - not just survive it. And overall I think I did. Kate filled out a card from William to me and we ate delicious food and drank and relaxed all day.
We spruced up William’s garden too, see photo below. It’s so cute, just like him :)
William, your little garden is so beautiful. It makes me so happy. Love, Mommy
We have been away for the last month on vacation - a chance to unwind and rest. We've reflected on how this blog has helped with healing and really want to share more.
We still think about him all the time. We still cry. But we laugh a lot more now. And we know he's right there with us every step of the way.
His love is so strong.
People ask if the trip helped. Yes, we believe it did :) There were many special moments to cherish and lots of time to just be together as a family. We called it our "William time".
While we were away, we saw a rainbow. It was the first rainbow we've seen since his death. It was Easter Sunday and we were staying in a small town overlooking the Mediterranean sea. It was totally magical, the colors of the sea and the trees and the buildings were so vibrant even though it was sort of cloudy. Everything seemed so bright from the scattered sunbeams and surfaces shimmered from the rain showers.
I'd been feeling sad that day, it being Easter and all. All I wanted was him, my little bunny. So when I spotted the rainbow I immediately felt happy, smiled, and yelled for Tom to look. The rainbow only lasted a few moments, but that was all we needed.
It was a reminder of how a little light can shine down and create something spectacular, how a little light can brighten up a rainy day. And a reminder that he was right there with us, that we are on this journey together.
We'd like to share a note we wrote to our little light that day:
William,
You are every beautiful thing we see,
and every good feeling we feel.
Happy Easter, little one.
Keep sending us rainbows.
We love you,
Mommy and Daddy
Easter 2015
Positano, Italy
Taken literally seconds after the rainbow dissapeared,
too short lived to capture on photo but still beautiful
-EFFECTS.jpg)