Beach star for William

The infant loss online community has been a huge support for us. We've found quite a lot of comfort out there. It's there where we were able to acquire this stunning photo of William's name written in the sand at twilight. The artist, Carly Marie, is a mother of three, her first child, her first born son, died and her daughters live on with her and her husband. She has found healing in helping other parents through grief. After writing his name in the sand and saying a small prayer, she captured a beautiful photo right after the first star appeared in the sky. It makes us feel peaceful.

We love you, William - you make us so happy, our little star :)

The summer after William

This post is inspired by a women who documented every day in the month of July, dictating life as it happened, a genuine account of daily thoughts and actions. She called it “Letters to July”.

I thought I'd try it out, so here is my letter to my month of July, a rambling that I thought I’d share.

Dear July,

I love you, July. I don’t want to say “but” after that statement. But, there is. I hate that there is. I was expecting you to bring me incredible happiness, July. There were good times, don’t get me wrong. But a certain kind of happiness, well... it was simply impossible to experience.

We were going to start you off by watching the parade, stocking up on sunscreen, buying a tent for the beach. It was going to be just like last year - only THIS July, we’d have baby William. It was going to be his coming out month. Those golden curls. Everyone would just eat him up. We were suppose to be on the beach tip toeing in the water with him in our arms, holding on tight so he wouldn’t slip from all those soft baby jelly rolls.

He’d be 7 months old. We are accepting the fact he died, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes we may just be kidding ourselves.

We’re finding comfort in your sunshine and warm breezes. But - there it is again - all those characteristics of yours, the sun and the warmth - they remind us of some alternate life, one where he survived, one that is perfectly amazing. One where he’d be riding with us through life in his green stroller sporting his little sunglasses. You were good to us, July. But it would be a totally different July if he was here.

I thank you, July. For all the summer days and memories made. We’ll see you next year. Hopefully we’ll have another, happy little reason to soak in your sun. 

xoxo

Our Sweet William

Sweet William is a cute nickname we call our baby but it is also a type of beautiful wild flower. We just love them. They are a biennial variety and bloom with clusters of white, pink, and purple blooms.

We were happy to offer sweet william seed packets to guests during William's memorial reception. If you could not attend and would like a packet, please comment below or email me and I'll send you one!

Mementos and basket of sweet william seeds on display for the memorial

• Simply sprinkle the seeds in a sunny spot, wildflowers are tough and adapt to different types of soil. 
• Sow shallow, compressing directly into bare soil, do not cover. 
• Water and keep soil moist until sprouts are 6-8" tall. After that, wildflowers prefer minimal care.
• Mow down in the fall with a mulch setting to disperse seeds.
• Be patient, sometimes sweet william wait till the second year to bloom but they are worth it!

colorful row of sweet william

We actually enjoyed these flowers even before William. They just popped up randomly in bunches in our yard every summer. We never knew what they were called until Kate suggested using them to decorate for the memorial service, since they shared the same name as babybear. They are extremely hardy, lasting long after being cut and put into a vase. You can also plant them in containers, see our mini garden featuring sweet william here. 

happy gardening :)